Opposition leader the Dark Lord Peter Dutton was shocked to learn that politics is in fact a popularity contest. The news came with the arrival of the latest News Poll with the Opposition leader languishing behind the PM Anthony Albanese.
”I will admit, if I knew that people’s opinions were taken into account I might have done a few things differently,” said the Dark Lord. ”Things like turning up to Kevin Rudd’s apology and maybe a little less puppy strangling.”
”I’m not a monster you know, just ask my wife.”
When asked what steps he would take to change his image, the Dark Lord said: ”I will do some investigation into whether or not I can take more people’s loved ones hostage.”
”Fear is a great motivator.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some pollsters in my dungeon that I’m keen to interrogate, err, talk to.”
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