The Australian media’s favoured future Prime Minister, Peter Dutton, has moved to assure voters of his economic credentials by promising to tame the budget with a bit of creative accounting and a stock tip that he got from a guy down at the shops the other day.

”Rest assured Australia, I will bring the budget back on track, I have some red hot stock tips and billions of dollars of which I will cut from Medicare in order to invest,” said the member for Dixon. ”Imagine how many tax cuts I will be able to give Gina and Rupert.”

”They will be so happy to see money spent well.”

When asked to explain how he knew to buy bank shares the day before the bank bailout, the Opposition leader said: ”It was merely dumb luck, I was walking around parliament and all I kept hearing was banks this, banks that, something about clown college and I thought to myself, Peter, maybe you should get in on all this bank talk.”

”Anyway, enough of all this nonsense, I should not be scrutinised I should be revered for my savvy investing.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Politics

Tags: Albo, Anthony Albanese, ASIC, auspol, Australia, banks, budget, Clown College, Coalition, Creative Accounting, ICAC, Insider Trading, Insiders, Labor Dirt Unit, NACC, Peter Dutton, QandA, satire, Shares, Stock Tips, The unAustralian, Trading