Scotty From Marketing Declares That The Federal Integrity Commission Will Be Armed With The Warmest Of Lettuce

Australian Prime Minister Scotty from marketing has let it be known that his Government’s proposed federal integrity commission will be armed with the warmest of lettuce and they will not be afraid to use it.

”My Government takes corruption very seriously,” said Prime Minister Scotty from marketing. ”Take Angus Taylor for instance, he is constantly on the look out for any schemes or anything shonky that he can keep his eye on.”

”Rest assured Australia, if there’s anything dodgy going on, my Government is a part of it.”

When asked why the proposed federal integrity commission was seemingly a very watered down version of ICAC, the Prime Minister said: ”Ah, don’t joke about things being watered down otherwise you’ll have Barnaby and Angus fighting each other for the rights.”

”Jokes aside, I reject the premise of your question. My Government is a strong Government and if you’re caught doing the wrong thing you will be punished with the warmest of lettuce.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Engadine Maccas to speak to the cleaning staff about potentially coming on board as integrity commissioners.”

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Politics

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