Conservatives Demand Jumping To Conclusions Be Included In The Olympics

Australian conservatives are leading a campaign to demand that the Queensland Olympics scheduled for 2032 include the sport of Jumping to Conclusions.

The campaign is being lead by conservative commentator Miranda Devine, an expert in the field, and has strong backing in parliament from Queensland MP George Christensen.

Speaking to The (un)Australian, Miranda Devine explained the push, saying: “I’ve dedicated my entire life to jumping to conclusions, for little reward. Well sure, there’s been money and exposure, but I want more! I want my jumping to conclusions to be recognised on the world stage.

“I mean, how else will my message be heard before being forced to retract?”

Mr Christensen took a break from planning his next ‘study trip’ to Manilla to also lobby for the Olympic inclusion, saying: “Jumping to Conclusions has to be recognised as a sport. I mean, it’s the only exercise I get – well, aside from dashing off to the Philipines.”

The IOC is expected to announce a decision shortly on the inclusion of Jumping to Conclusions at the 2032 Olympics, with commentators expecting the decision to be announced as soon as the cheque clears.

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Sport

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1 reply

  1. I agree! And while we are about it how about adding Drawing a Long Bow, Flogging a Dead Horse and Building a Straw Man to the Olympic events list? Miranda, Jonesy, Andrew, Ray et al would do us proud at world level and would smash the favourites – those guys at Fox News: they are the Jamaican bobsled team when it comes to confected outrage. Bring it on!


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