Australia’s Daggy Dads Demand Scott Morrison Stop Appropriating Their Culture

The head of Australia’s largest Daggy Dad lobby group has called for the Prime Minister to stop appropriating the culture of genuine hapless fathers to further his own political ends.

‘You just can’t blithely identify as a daggy dad if you’ve never accidentally got your head caught inside a birdhouse for real,” said Jason Bangor from inside the birdhouse he accidentally nailed himself into last weekend. “I proudly trace my heritage as a daggy dad back to my great grandad, who bought the first ever Victa mower in 1952, and cut his own toe off with it three weeks later.”

“Posing like you’re about to smash your thumb with a hammer while your wife shrugs helplessly in the back ground is sacred to our people,” said daggy dad shaman Blake Bunnings. “You’re forbidden from doing that until you’ve passed the initiation ritual of blowing your eyebrows off trying to light a gas barbecue.”

Daggy dads will be gathering in protest in full ceremonial board shorts and tattered Spiderbait tee-shirts at a rally in Hyde Park as soon as covid restrictions are lifted, and their partners don’t find some other job for them to do around the house like cleaning out the garage like they said they’d do three weeks ago.

“Mister Morrison claims to be a daggy dad yet he supports laws that oppress our culture such as bans on backyard incinerators,” said daggy dad Trent Rumpus as he attempted to remove a chicken coop that he’d nailed to his arm. “He has the soft look of a bloke who’s never had to step in to referee a netball game when the real ref didn’t turn up.”

Peter Green
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