George Christensen broke down in tears in the parliament house playground yesterday after learning that his best mate Cory Bernardi would be moving away to a different, more conservative school.
“We found George sitting on the monkey bars blubbering away about having no-one else to hang out with at playlunch,” said house captain Barnaby Joyce. “I said what about your chum Eric Abetz, he’ll still be here, but George just started sobbing about Eric being a bit too old, nerdy and… Tasmanian.”
“George and Cory were just about inseperable,” said matron Julie Bishop. “You’d often wander past Corey’s office and hear the two of them investigating the Safe Schools program by personally testing out the role playing class exercises where students are encouraged to act out what it is like to be differently gendered. At least that’s what I think they were up to.”
In an effort to cheer him up the National Party member for Mackay has been allowed to wear his favourite leather outfit around parliament house and bring his whip to work.
“Cory said he’d write me letters every week and maybe we could catch up during the holidays,” said a slightly happier Christensen. “Big Tony Abbott said he’d protect me from that bully Malcolm Turnbull so I’m feeling a bit better.”