Sam Dastyari Claims His Pet Panda Is Totally Legit

Sam Dastyari has taken a break from denying allegations that he is in the pay of the Chinese government to spend some quality time playing in the backyard with his brand new pet panda.

“There’s nothing suss at all about my coming into possession of a pet panda the day before I hinted that Australia shouldn’t interfere with China’s activities in the South China Sea and that we should build a great wall to the north to keep out the Mongol invaders,” said Senator Dastyari on an episode of Australian Story. “Just because something looks like a Peking duck, swims like a Peking duck and quacks like a Peking duck… that doesn’t mean it is a Peking duck.”

Dastyari claimed that he bought the panda, “Perk Perk”, after spotting it in the window of the pet shop at his local Westfield.

“Look, I may have been naive in the past and accepted some things from China that I shouldn’t have,” said Dastyari as he relaxed in an opium den. “But I’ve learnt my lesson. It’s like that time I murdered a couple of people. I now realise that murdering people is wrong and I even propose moving a motion in parliament to make murdering people illegal.”

Dastyari has received support from former Foreign Minister Bob Carr, who wrote an article on the weekend noting that China’s emerging middle class will provide a market of 850 million people for Australia’s booming steel cut oats export industry.

Peter Green

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Categories: News, Politics

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