Interim Prime Minister Scott “ScoMo” Morrison has told colleagues that he plans to increase the current Newstart allowance to include a free copy of the prosperity gospel to all recipients.
“It would be easy for my Government to give more money to these job seekers, after all we are on target to deliver a surplus,” said the Interim Prime Minister. “However the more I thought about it the more I thought, why give money when you can give out thoughts and prayers.”
“So to every job seeker out there enjoy your copy of the prosperity gospel. I hope it delivers to you everything that it has delivered to me.”
“Well not everything, I mean I don’t really want one of you taking my job. Bad enough that I have to watch my back around Dutton.”
When asked how job seekers could use the prosperity gospel rather than an extra $75 a week the Interim Prime Minister replied: “Monies not going to get you into heaven, I mean my good friend Israel Folau told me that.”
“If you want something pray for it, worked for me and all my mates currently earning over $200K a year.”