Joyce Orders All Parliamentary Staffers To Wash Their Hands Before He Attempts To Seduce Them


Former deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has sent a memo around to all parliamentary staffers calling on them to be sure to wash their hands before he attempts to seduce them.

The memo is designed to stop the spread of the Carona virus around the halls of parliament house.

“Personally, I think this Carona stuff is all a bit of nonsense, but it doesn’t hurt to take precautions,” said backbencher Joyce. “Besides this Government cannot afford to have Australia’s best retail politician sitting at home in bed sick as opposed to being in bed getting some action.”

When asked why he was so concerned with seducing parliamentary staffers seemingly in violation of the Government’s ‘bonk ban,’ backbencher Joyce said: “The bonk ban is only for Ministers NOT backbenchers.”

“So unless Scotty wants to bring me back to cabinet I’m free to hit on whoever I like.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to visit old mate Llew O’Brien, I hear he has a new hottie working in his office.”

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Politics

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