PM Panics After Learning Cormann Did The Numbers For The Budget


Australia’s part-time Prime Minister Scott Morrison is said to be panicked after learning that the numbers that Treasurer Josh Frydenburg will announce later today as part of his budget update were calculated by the Finance Minister Matthias Cormann.

”This is a potential disaster, the numbers were looking bad already but knowing that Matthias worked them out well good knows how bad they actually are,” said a Government Insider. ”One thing we are hoping for is Matthias usually gets the numbers wrong and lists them as being higher than what they actually are, like he did with Dutton’s leadership challenge.”

”If that’s the case here then who knows maybe the budget deficit is only fifty billion instead of near one hundred billion.”

When asked why Cormann managed to hold on to his job for so long given his inability to deal with numbers, the Government Insider said: ”You know the saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

”Scotty from marketing knows that Dutton would knife him in the blink of an eye, so keeping Matthias around as Peter’s numbers man is a great insurance policy for the Prime Minister.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to head to an emergency meeting that the PM has called at Maccas Engadine. Don’t suppose you know where I could grab some toilet paper?”


Mark Williamson


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