Nation Not Really Surprised That Barnaby Joyce Thinks Sexual Assault Victims Should Keep Quiet

Aspiring Minister for Home Affairs Barnaby Joyce has shocked no one with his comments that victims of sexual assault should keep quiet and leave the talking to their lawyers or superiors.

”I don’t want anyone to misconstrue my statements and interpret them as anti-women,” said the Member for New England. ”Cause trust me, I am anything but anti-women, in fact most women who have met me know that I am always keen to keep in touch.”

”I just think that when nasty stuff happens it should be kept quiet until one of the parties wishes to sell their story to 60 minutes.”

When asked whether he felt Canberra had a cultural problem when it came to the treatment of women, the Member for New England said: ”Absolutely not.”

”Sure there are a few bad apples about how do outrageous things like institute a bonk ban, but on the whole most men like myself adore women and wish to help them out with a guiding hand.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s raining outside so I need to go and check to see which female staffers are wearing white today.”

Mark Williamson


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