Peter Dutton Calls For The Immediate Banning Of Potato Peelers

Australia’s Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has called for the immediate banning in Australia of the humble potato peeler.

”As Minister for the Dark Arts, my job is to make the country a safe place for all Liberal-voting constituents,” said the Dark Lord. ”How can people like myself and my family be safe with people running around the community brandishing potato peelers or, worse, potato mashers?”

”We will get these weapons off the street, even if I have to personally sue each and every person to do so.”

When asked why he was so focused on suing those who had an opinion that differs to his, the Dark Lord said: ”People need to learn that, when I speak – they need to listen.”

”For too long people have dared to disagree or, worse, mock me. How dare they?!”

”I am the Dark Lord Peter Dutton. You will bow down before me!”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s been a long day and I need to do something to unwind like strangle a puppy or two.”

Mark Williamson


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