“Just Call Me The Big C,” Says Dutton In Pitch To Conservative Voters

Aspiring Opposition leader and a man that our Lawyers say does not resemble Lord Voldemort Peter Dutton has told conservative voters that he is one of them and they should refer to him as the Big C.

”A lot of Australians have the wrong impression of me and see me as some sort of monster,” said a man who is allegedly not the Dark Lord. ”I’m just a big cuddly teddy bear, who has nothing but love in his heart.”

”Of course I am a teddy bear with claws that will slash you if you do get too close.”

When asked if he really expected the public to buy this rebranding of him, a weird looking (we think he was trying to smile) Peter Dutton said: ”Of course the public will believe in me, even if I have to strangle, err, I mean pat every puppy in the country.”

”I’m a nice guy and if you say otherwise then I guess I will see you in court.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s getting late and I have a village to scare, err, meet and greet.”

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Politics

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