PM Says “Have A Go Like Winx” As Nation Encouraged To Whip Slow Workers And Shoot The Injured Ones


Scott Morrison has turned to champion racehorse Winx as inspiration for Australians to get in and have a go, saying a poor dumb animal who gets shuffled around and forced to perform with no actual idea of what it’s doing is a perfect metaphor for the Australian public.

“All I’m saying is if someone at your workplace isn’t putting in 100% then it’s perfectly okay to pull out the whip and give them a solid thrashing,” said ScoMo. “And if someone suffers an injury at work and is no longer able to fulfil their duties, all I’m implying is that a screen be discretely employed and the old 12 gauge gets dusted off.”

Opposition leader Bill Shorten has rejected applying the Winx comparison to the performance of his own party.

“Winx has only won 32 consecutive races compared to the 50 consecutive Newspolls that we’ve won,” said Mr Shorten. “If I was Mr Morrison I’d want to avoid being sent to the glue factory himself he might want to put in some extra trackwork over the coming weeks.”

Coalition election strategists deny that Winx has been signed up to appear in a series of campaign advertisements where she will be dressed in hi vis and drinking a coffee extolling the virtues of the gambling industry.

Peter Green

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