EXCLUSIVE: Coalition Agreement Leaked

The confidential agreement between the Liberals and Nationals that is set to be signed this week following Barnaby Joyce’s ascension to the Nationals leadership has been leaked to the media.

The agreement was drafted on the back of a beer coaster and was found outside Mooseheads bar. See below for the terms that the National party are seeking.

  1. Repeal the bonk ban.
  2. Do not commit to net-zero emissions under any circumstances.
  3. Again, the bonk ban. Come on Scott, it’s inhumane.
  4. Make old mate George Christensen the Ambassador to the Philippines. Ambassadorships come with diplomatic immunity, right?
  5. The bonk ban – how do we know that the love of my week is not working down the hallway in a colleagues office?
  6. Make me (Barnaby) the Minister for Home or Foreign Affairs.
  7. The bonk ban – the longer this goes on, the more chance it has of not tearing families apart.
  8. If I am appointed Minister for Foreign Affairs, then open up the borders.
  9. I know I’m probably sounding like a broken record here but – the bonk ban, it’s got to go.
  10. Make a lump of coal Australian of the Year.

The agreement is due to be signed later this week with Barnaby tipped to chuck a hissy fit, should he not get his way over the bonk ban.

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Categories: Politics

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