Dutton Defends Using Go Fund Me Cash To Buy Puppies For Strangling

Australia’s Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has defended his decision to use funds raised for Queensland flood relief to purchase puppies to strangle.

”My role is very stressful and I’m sure that the people in my electorate want me relaxed when handling official business,” said the Dark Lord. ”And what better way to relax than by strangling a few puppies.”

”I love looking into their eyes as they take their last breath.”

When asked why he was using a Go Fund Me for flood relief as opposed to using Government (of which he is a part of) funds, the Dark Lord said: ”To borrow a phrase from Scott, err ScoMo, I reject the premise of your question.”

”The good people of Queensland know that a happy Peter is a benevolent Peter so they know to keep me stocked up with puppies.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s been a trying morning I have a fresh litter of Rottweiler puppies waiting for me in my office to strangle.”

Mark Williamson


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