Future deputy Opposition leader Barnaby Joyce has told colleagues that he plans to spend the final week of the election campaign polling swinging voters in an effort to get the Coalition over the line.
“I am a proven campaigner and a two time family guy so you know let me at those swingers,” said Special Envoy Joyce. “I am willing to do the hard yards, I will chuck my keys into any bowl and am willing to poll people, long and hard.”
When asked if he thought the Coalition had a problem with females Mr Joyce replied: “Not a problem we just need more of them. In fact I’m looking into recruiting more females into my office as soon as I can.”
“As you know I am a pretty good employer. A lot of people who work with me get to experience a lot of different positions and some even get promoted up to being my wife.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got an important meeting with ScoMo, I’m talking to him about potentially watering down workplace sexual harassment laws.”