Below is a leaked list of demands that Nationals Leader Barnaby Joyce is expected to put before the Prime Minister in order for the Coalition’s Junior Partner to consider committing to the government’s plan of going to net-zero carbon emissions.
The list came into The UnOz’s hands after it was found written on the back of a beer coaster.
- End The Bonk Ban.
- Diplomatic immunity for all Australian Ministers past or present who find themselves in trouble in the Philippines.
- End the Bonk Ban. Come on Scott, what happens between a Minister and his staffer should stay between a Minister and his staffer and their lawyers.
- The Senate dress code to be amended to allow Senators to cosplay as their favourite type of miner, with Matt Canavan calling dibs on being a Coal Miner.
- I’m probably sounding like a broken record here Scott, but come on – this bonk ban is inhumane!
- George Christensen to be appointed an Ambassador to the Philippines.
- A tax to be put on any coffee order that takes more than 5 seconds to say. Eg. A half-skinny, half-almond, flat white with a hint of cinnamon and a drop of honey, in lieu of sugar.
- The Bonk Ban. Canberra can be a lonely place at the best of times. If a man finds love in his office, who are you as PM to tell him that he should cool it and instead head home to be with his wife and kids?
- Show us the money!!! Farming subsidies, community grants, sports rorts. We’ll need a lot of pork on our fork to sell this one!
- If Christian Porter can have a blind trust, then why can’t a Minister have his Secretary?
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