Prime Minister Dutton Promises To Not Wash Anyone’s Hair But May Strangle Their Puppy

Australia’s Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has been telling colleagues that if they give him the Prime Ministership he will not wash anyone’s hair, however, he will not promise to stop strangling people’s puppies.

”The Dark Lord has been on the phones over the weekend trying to shore up numbers to bring on a spill,” said a Government Insider. ”He does bring a lot to the table, especially the promise to not wash any random person’s hair.”

”Sure, his habit of strangling puppies doesn’t play well in all electorates, but it does poll highly in Queensland.”

When asked if the party would seriously consider changing leaders this close to an election, the Government Insider said: ”Well, if we’re not going to change leaders what are we going to do for the next four months, govern?”

”The Australian people know that Governments don’t really do much this close to an election anyway so why not change up the leadership.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go out and purchase some fresh puppies for the Dark Lord.”

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Politics

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